SXSW Pool Party and Afterwards (Foreword to Pictures)

Alyssa helped me load up a lot of gear from tonight in the blue truck. We tried to play halo but the disc had scratched itself. We watched Thunderbolt at Travis's and then I went home. I parked the blue truck with all that gear out back in the darkness, just behind the garage. I spread a large piece of black plastic material over it - a huge rectangular bit of heavy black trash bag. I tucked the sides in carefully to keep any night moisture out and to prevent any homeless folks from casually snooping in. 

Still, I can't sleep and I keep thinking if anyone is stealing out of the blue truck. I've gone out twice with a flashlight and a gun and taken a long look into the night and the trees behind the truck and also the garage. I started hearing some loud noises thirty minutes ago. I loaded my gun and brought both my ears to bear on the target, one off the pillow. 

When I realized the noises were not hostile, that they were in fact the wall collisions of my roommate having sex with his girlfriend, I felt very foolish and not very powerful in my room standing naked in the dark with a loaded hand gun. I was not so powerful; I was helpless and unnecessary. I don't know. I couldn't point my gun at anything. No violence. The entire scene was silly and my presence was not important- I suppose I experienced a vague sense of shame. 

This reminded me of earlier in the night when I felt very exhausted. I found some fresh coffee behind the bar and I poured it into a styrofoam cup. I took a liter of mountain dew and a small plastic handle of jim beam and mixed the two together. I alternated between the coffee and the spiked dew. 

At times I feel so down on myself that I just stare at the floor and repeat I am so lonely till I cry a bit. HA. Shit, it's pathetic. Something must've snapped me out, because the night turned out nice and the show was a great one. I'll be sure and include some pictures. You need to man that inner brain up once and while, give it a little ATTENTION! Remind it orders are strict; Remind the brain to tough itself up like a pair of calloused hands. We'll all have got a job to do. Pictures soon.