Positive Affirmation

I really need some kind of confidence boost. Maybe if I were given an opportunity to rescue a single person or a group of people from some menacing force, my equilibrium would return to normal. My mom bought me a weight scale for christmas. Kind of a hint. But I don't think I'm overweight, at least not until my mother got into my head. I hope my wife doesn't treat me like that. Of course, she'll probably be the fat ass, not me. I'll have to hide the Oreos. I feel like Lindsey from Arrested Development. My mother is much nicer than Lucille, though. Oh fuck it, I say. As far as I'm concerned, every woman yearns to mother my children, even when I stiff them on their tip near closing. I need to tell myself things like that. My mother calls it positive affirmation- like when you're just hanging around the house, saying out loud to yourself, "I am an attractive, kind person."  "I am a capable attorney." or, "I am not depressed...or lonely" 

               

It kind of seems like a delusional exercise to me, an exercise in delusion. But when I think how many times a day I tell myself how much I suck at things, I am convinced maybe a little affirmation might be in order. 

 

I open the door every morning now, fully nude, for all the back yard and garage to see, and display my virility: a god to women. 

I'm working on the lyrics for two new songs, both (positive affirmation) destined to admired for generations to come. I'm trying to find a good balance between humor and poignancy. It's difficult. However, I think they are great and if you come to our show at Club De Ville on the 30th of January, you might get a listen. 

 

This one line, too sappy, not enough bite? I'm not sure:  "Open your womb to me."